Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
