I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
