I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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