I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
