my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
50% drunk capacity currently
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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