That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
