Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
