Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
