remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
