is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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