i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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