You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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