I smell stomach acid.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Michael Bay diarrhea
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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