There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
soo... how was my night?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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