I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
