"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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