The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
