I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
