The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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