Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
