I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
