now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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