I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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