I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
PANTIES FOUND
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