you would pick up someone in the library
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
