We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
