You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
