dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
