Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
