I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
