....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
