You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
