You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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