Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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