Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
