i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We're too hungover to prance.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
