dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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