He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I want a musical about memes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
