I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
