...so i touched it.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
