Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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