Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
