i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
