umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
not ubering you a puppy
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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