would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
