Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
