so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
