I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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