I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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