you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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