Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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