My friends, they love my intelligence
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize